5 Ways to Support Your Partner During Pregnancy (Emotionally)

This blog post will focus on how we handled a difficult situation in our relationship. Pregnancy can be a tough time for couples but here's both our perspectives on how we handled it!

It finally came to head one day (7 months in) when I came out guns blazing. He forgot to mow the lawn so.... you know. "You don't support me! You don't love me! How are we going to do this if we can't even connect when the baby's not here?" Now, I'm hormonal, but the things I was saying were true. I didn't feel supported and I needed more from him. So we fought. We yelled. We said mean things. But most importantly, we took a break. We took a physical break from each other and mapped out what emotional support would look like from this point forward. I was really proud of us because it was a huge turning point in our relationship. Honestly, everything was different from then on.

Here are the things that we came up with:

1. Take Pictures of Your Partner- Pregnancy is a lonely experience but nothing makes a woman feel better than being documented and told we look beautiful. We even had fun with some couples shoots. We used our iphones and androids. Some were cutsie. Some were sexy. But we had fun! And now we will always have those pictures to look back on. I never had a professional maternity pictures done, but I love mine because they were taken by Roland and I.

2. The Relationship Check-In- Every week (Saturdays), Roland and I sit down and have, what we call, a relationship check-in. We talk about how were both doing separately, how we think the relationship is going (what's good, what needs work), and our goals for the future. This really was a game-changer for us because now, we have a designated time to talk about our feelings, practice opening up, and expressing our needs and wants.

3. Make a calendar- When Roland came home, after a few days of working around the clock and pondering how to improve our relationship, he presented a calendar. On the calendar were designated activities for us to do together throughout the week. Some examples are: cook dinner together, have a date night, listen to a relationship podcast (Esther Perel is our favorite), and watch a funny movie together. We would make a new one each week and it made me feel so loved. I knew he was thinking about me. I knew he had really listened to what I said and was trying to find ways of connecting to me more emotionally.

5. Men- Involve Yourselves in the Labor and Delivery Plan- The thought of giving birth is, by far, the scariest part of the pregnancy journey. Sure, a little nausea sucks but getting this 7 pound baby out!? No bueno. I really wanted Roland to research with me and feel like he was with me as I navigated this. We watched birthing documentaries together. I hired a doula to teach us comfort measures for labor. I made him a "Birth Binder" so he would have all the information necessary to help me during labor. Did he use it? No, because my birth plan went way differently. but we both felt good knowing we had it.

4. Do Baby Stuff Together- Women like to nest. We obsess about getting the house ready for baby and oftentimes, we just do it without thinking. We have a vision and we get it done. But a turning point for Roland and I, was starting to consciously do baby-related things together. We would sort clothes together. I would ask his opinion about where to put things or how he thought systems could work best. We went baby shopping together. We put toys together, together. We essentially bonded as a team and I felt less like the quarterback carrying the whole team. It also helped him feel more involved in my pregnancy and to see the big picture. Men are great at living in the moment, but sometimes we want them to take a little trip to the future with us.